A year of Cold Showers

To understand a year of cold showers you need to go back 12 months, back to when I started, because the world of the 1^st of September 2020 was very different from the world of today.  Just before St Patrick’s Day (17 March 2020) my youngest child’s pre-school closed, then a few days later the older boys school closed, and that was that until after the summer holidays, the 1^st September 2020. 

 

For the first few days of home schooling, and it was only the first few days, I got the kids to put on their school uniforms, and we tried to be ultra normal, but nothing was normal.  My wife works for the NHS, she needed to be in the office and was away virtually every day.  The jobs I was trying to progress were gone, and they aren’t coming back.  My physical and social outlets were gone, and will never be the same.  I have three boys with three years and three hundred and sixty three days between the oldest and the youngest.  So the kids were never alone, generally a good thing, sometimes a bad thing, but I was the main carer and teacher, and there was a lot of caring and teaching to do! 

 

So after these months I decided that on the 1^st September I’d start taking cold showers each day for a week.  As the children re-started school, this was my re-start, my line in the sand, my demarcation between the then and the now.  I’d taken the odd cold shower in the past, I hated them, but this meant that the concept of cold showers wasn’t alien!  The first few days were awful, the cold water was dreadful, it was on the edge of being sore, by the time I’d finished the shower I actually felt light headed! 

 

Mentally I didn’t want to do it, especially after the first day, that’s how long the novelty lasted(!), I had to force myself to do something I didn’t want to do, and better still something I had absolutely no reason to do.  That’s why I shared it on social media, it was another step in the pathway of self-discipline, of forcing myself to do something I didn’t want to do, of creating the demarcation between the then and the now, the self-conscious decision to re-start.  At the end of the week I didn’t want to stop, but I wanted to stop, if that makes any sense. Then at the end of the month it was the same, I wanted to stop, but I couldn’t stop.  Retrospectively I realise that stopping the cold shower would have been stopping the re-start, it wasn’t just about the unpleasantness of the cold shower, it was about moving on, the then and the now. 

 

I can’t report any profound health benefits, either physical or mental.  That is the kind of outlandish – “here’s 10 superhuman lessons I learnt from cold showers every day for a year” kind of thing.  Well the only perceptible one was staying in the sea (the Atlantic) for a long time with the children and without feeling really really cold during our summer holidays, the seas always cold at Portrush, and the kids had wetsuits, I didn’t.  After the first week of cold showers the water still felt very cold, but not as cold, the shock and the light headedness were gone.  I also learnt that if you breathed in a certain way (and this took a good few months to realise), that is deep quick breaths, you blew the air out with a ‘sh’ sound, the water would stop feeling cold.  You still felt the water, but you didn’t feel the temperature, it didn’t feel warm, it just didn’t have a temperature, this is a pretty powerful breathing technique, which I haven’t explored as much as I should. 

 

Without intention the social media post became connected to physical activity: cardio, resistance, mobility / stretching.  To demystify what mobility / stretching is, it is either a set program of movements or stretches I accessed via an app or YouTube.  The YouTube stuff was yoga, some yoga is just plain weird, it wasn’t that kind of stuff.  The heart of yoga is a flow, the connection of breath and movement.  This stretching and movement (eventually) leads to increased physical awareness, flexibility and flow of movement, at the beginning it’s just hard and awkward, but press on my friend.  Personally I believe flexibility and flow are the most important of all physical attributes, because everything else emanates from them.  Anyhow these three became linked to the cold shower, and therefore part of my daily routine.  Once again to go back a little, during the first part of the lock down I had tried to do this but it had petered out, it lacked consistency and accountability, but not now.  

 

Inadvertently what I had intended as a demarcation, (between the then and the now), had metamorphosed into mental and physical progression.  It was self-imposed consistency, but it was more than that, it was a consistency that was tied to hardship (obviously a minor hardship), but it was an unnecessary hardship, one with no practical benefits.  People can practise a similar lifestyle for business, but the outcome is money, people can do this in martial arts and the outcome is advancement in belts, people can do this with eating and the outcome is a healthy BMI.  But the outcome of a cold shower is a cold shower. 

 

Cold showers are easy, the discomfort is always there, you don’t have to go anywhere or buy anything, all you need to do is turn the water to cold, then stay there for however long you have decided to stay there for.  On a practical note use a timer, and at the start be realistic. 

 

I think I’ll keep having a daily cold shower, I might mark the month off via social media or something, but I won’t do it every day.  But it has been very important to me.  It kept me focused.  It gave me something special, something that is mine, I don’t see the lock down as an awful time, it just came and went like everything else.  I was productive and some of that productivity will see the light of day between now and Christmas.  I also lost lots of things, things that will not come back, but they have been placed firmly in the then, but I live firmly in the now.  I didn’t go on a mystical journey, instead I decided to do something unpleasant, something I didn’t want to do, something I didn’t need to do, something that was completely personal.  I’m starting to realise that I found more than I appreciate, and that with time I may become conscious of even more.  During the lockdown, which was a very unusual time, a time when many people regressed, I progressed physically, mentally, and practically, maybe not lots, but I progressed.  I can’t say that the cold showers were the cause of these changes, but I do think that the cold showers created unique circumstances.  Then within these circumstances, new choices became available, new ways of looking at the world evolved, pre-existing opportunities became clear, and unhelpful routines or rituals were so disrupted, you were no longer part of them.  Life is full of choices and opportunities, sometimes the oddest of choices can lead to a situation where the most profound of changes can happen. 

NB I wrote this in the final days before completing one year.

#Diatia 10: Diet as a way of life

I’m going to take a third go at diet.  Earlier this year, the summer seems to have been a big hindrance to this, but anyhow, earlier this year I started a simple but rigorous system of diet.  This isn’t a magic formula, nor is it that profound, but it worked. 

 

There were three parts to the changes I made, firstly, eat three meals a day, no snacks and no supper.  Secondly, plan in detail what I would eat at lunch time.  I don’t mention breakfast and dinner because I already planned them, I eat the exact same breakfast every day, and when we order the groceries (click and collect is great!) we decide what we’ll be eating for the next week.  Thirdly, reduce portion size.  I had to do this because my portion size was far too big, I had the mentality, “it’s a sin to waste it!”  I still think it’s a sin to waste good food, but you can use it at lunch time the next day, and still not waste it!

 

When you’re trying to create a diet, a diet that is a way of life, you need to work out what has gone wrong in the past.  When did failure happen?  Does failure follow a pattern?  Did the initial failure happen due to specific circumstances, but then continue in normal circumstances?  Add your own questions, but you must be emotionally impassive, think about how you fix the problem, never ruminate on the problem, it is your problem after all, and if you don’t fix it no one else will.  For me lunch time has been a problem, it’s always been a problem, and the answer I’ve arrived at is a pick and mix list of potential elements. 

 

A)     Protein: chicken, eggs, bean based (vegetarian chili con carne or vegetable soup with lentil and barley.)

B)     Starch: home made whole meal bread, brown rice, whole meal pasta, couscous.

C)     Veg: lettuce, pepper, carrot.

D)    Fruit: small fruit salad, with time I’m going to work out a weight in grams!

E)     Yoghurt: 75g

 

With time the above will evolve, but it’s something to work from, and I’m pretty happy with it.  From now on I’m going to put my lunch into lunch boxes in the morning or night before, have a set time you’ll eat, and then follow the routine. 

 

I’ve said that I eat three meals each day, but I need to have a plan for a snack, just in case.  When I’ve needed to eat a snack, I’ve always found myself doing the same thing, taking far more than I should, because I’ve placed no limit on myself.  If you fail to plan you plan to fail, so even plan for what you don’t plan to do. 

 

[I’m really going to have to come back to this on in 3 month]

#Diatia 9: A good weight is a good thing

Before I say anything else, I want to confess that I weigh myself, that I have a target weight, and that I want to maintain it when I get there.  Weighing yourself is important, but it’s only so important, especially at the start.  Muscle has a greater density than fat, a pound of fat and a pound of muscle are the same weight but not the same size.  If you're trying to lose weight, what you really mean is you want to lose fat, but if you judge this via weight, it is quite possible to lose fat and gain muscle, and therefore stay the same weight.  What we really want to do is reduce our body fat to an appropriate level.  At the beginning it is better to measure the places you carry fat: your gut, your hips, etc.  If you’re following a sensible diet and exercise regime you will soon notice a change. 

 

I go Rucking from time to time, well my version of Rucking, in my rucksack I carry 8kg of sand, that’s 17.5 pounds, or just over one stone.  When you carry that weight you can really feel it, and when you’re finished it is great to take the rucksack off!  Lots of people carry that amount of extra body fat every day! 

 

BMI (body mass index) and weight are the result of cause and effect, primarily it’s our genes, this hugely affects how we process the food we eat.  Two people could eat the same food and do the same exercise, but look totally different, and that’s just the way it is!  The next cause and effect is the amount of calories we put into our body, this comes from the kind and amount of food we eat.  The next cause and effect is exercise and general activity, activity burns calories, so the more active we are the more calories you burn.  Remember you can’t out run a bad diet, a world famous chocolate bar that you can eat in a couple of minutes has 230 calories, you need to walk 3 to 4 miles to burn that off!  There is another important cause and effect, illness or medication, if this is so for you, then you need to talk to your doctor.  Our objective should be the maintenance of a healthy weight and BMI, not chasing after an unrealistic body image.  The only way we can do this successfully is moderation in eating, consistency of exercise, acceptance of body type, and being in it for the long haul!

#Diatia 8: Diet as a way of life

I haven't been looking forward to writing this section.  I enjoy cooking and I like food, that’s not a good start.  Please choose one of these sentences: food is fun; food is fuel.  Most people, like me, think of food as fun.  Let’s face it, every cookery program on TV and piece of food advertising you see incessantly repeats the mantra, food is fun!  My problems start with not knowing enough about food, I do know about preparation and taste, but my understanding of nutritional value is, in my view, basic.  There are certain obvious things I avoid, biscuits, fizzy drinks, chocolate and things like that, you know, junk food!  I have avoided these types of foods for years, in an attempt to keep my weight under control.  After all removing high calorie, highly available, and mentally high foods can do nothing but help.  To a certain degree I’ve succeeded, but my weight has plateaued.  But avoiding these foods does not negate the fact that my diet is not what it should be, and it is something I really need to focus on!

 

Diet is more than what you eat, it is the quantity you eat, it is when you eat, and it is mentally why you eat.  The word diet, comes from a Greek word ‘diaita’, which means ‘a way of life.’  Too often we think of a diet as something we go on for a few weeks or months.  We diet to targets, then once we’ve got there, it’s over, back to normal, back to the reasons you needed to go on a diet in the first place.  I’m really going to state the obvious here, but we always eat food, everyday, all the way through our lives, eating is a way of life.  Too often our eating is mechanical and instinctive.  So long as we enjoy it and our stomachs are full, we give eating no thought.  Some people have very specific diets, things like the carnivore diet or being a vegan, people buy into these as a way of life.  They really think about their food and are very aware of what they eat.  The best place to start with diet is simply being aware of what, when and how much you’re eating! 

#Diatia 7: Think about moving.

You need to stretch, you need to stretch regularly, you need to stretch regularly in a proactive manner.  So now that I’ve said that, what should we do?  The first thing is mental, you need to make a self-conscious decision that you WILL work on your flexibility / mobility.  Added to this, you need to accept that it may be a long slow process.  Then you need to do something, and do that something regularly.  I’m going to give you some ideas, which I’m going to split into three areas, they aren’t split into levels of difficulty, but ease of access. 

 

Firstly, online.  There are good apps that guide you through various stretching routines.  To get going these can be brilliant.  They offer routines, diagrams, videos, and even use TTS (text to speech) to talk you through what you’re doing!  There are some really good YouTube channels for yoga: Yoga for BJJ and Yoga with Adrienne.  Unfortunately I’ve never found a good one for Pilates, that doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist, it just means I haven’t found it! 

 

Secondly, IRL (in real life). With a quick online search you will find local classes for Yoga or Pilates, these will require an investment of time and money, but it can prove to be money well spent.  If you haven’t worked on your flexibility for a long time, this will be the best place to start.  You have the regularity of the class: a time, a place, a teacher, the encouragement that flows through a group of like minded people.  The most important part of any class is a good teacher, they explain and demonstrate the movements clearly, they make sure you are doing them properly, and they encourage you to keep going.  I remember one time doing an exercise, I thought I was doing it properly, but the teacher changed the form of the movement very slightly, what I had found really easy suddenly became really hard!  Having written this, I’ve suddenly realised I’ve never come across a class that is for stretching or flexibility! 

#Diatia 6: You’ve got to move

I’m writing this as I wrote the list, but flexibility should have gone first, because it is absolutely essential!  It’s of fundamental importance to develop flexibility / mobility, and it is something we rarely think about.  When we don’t have it, it’s a big problem, for sport, strenuous physical activity, and in every aspect of life.  When we don’t have it, it makes all our movements harder, and then forces us to move in ways that are unnecessary, or problematic, or potentially damaging.  I’m writing this early in the morning, and if I tried to touch my toes I wouldn’t be able to.  Okay, I just did the obvious thing and tried, I got half way down my shin.  However, I’ve a stretching routine for my lower back and legs, one I’ve used a lot over the last few years, once I’ve done these I can touch my toes!  So if someone asked, “can you touch your toes?”  I’d have to give a “yes, but...” answer!  Flexibility is hugely important in a subconscious way, we won’t try to do what we believe we can’t.  Therefore good levels of flexibility, strength and cardiovascular stamina open doors, while their absence closes them.

#Diatia 5: Think resistance

The most visible part of weight training are the weights, but the weights are only a means to an end, the creation of resistance.  Here’s a little challenge, lift your hand above your head to full extension, then move it back to where it started.  This is both a simple and easy movement.  But if you do the same movement pulling a rubber resistance band or holding a dumbbell, the movement remains simple but is no longer easy.  That’s how uncomplicated the concept of resistance training is!  But something can be too simple, and then we have an irresistible urge to make it more difficult, or complicated, or profound, and then lose sight of the whole point. 

 

Years ago I remember going to a gym, there was an old guy, probably my age now, but he stuck out for all the wrong reasons.  He would do arm curls with dumbbells, but the weight he was using was far too heavy for him.  I’m now going to do my best to describe his action.  He bent his knees forward, pushed his bum backwards, and moved the dumbbells behind the line of his shoulders.  Everything that had gone backwards now went forwards, his arms swung forward, his pelvis thrust forward, his knees straightened, and the dumbbells he was holding swung forwards.  He got himself into a rhythm and did his reps, it was like watching the pendulum of a clock.  What he was doing took effort, but not the effort you needed to honestly arm curl that kind of weight.  People love to say I can squat this amount of pounds, or bench press ‘x’ amount of kg, but doing this is all about the amount of weight and ego you have.  However, if you’re a power lifter, or working towards goals, or sensibly and humbly talking to those who are interested, that’s different, you can talk weight.  Mentally you need to understand the purpose of resistance training, and then you need to understand the physicality and biology of your body.  

#Diatia 4: You've got to push yourself

You need to push yourself, and you need to push yourself in such a way, that you purposefully place yourself in a position where you have no choice but to push yourself.  When you’re out and about walking or running or rucking you can slow down a bit, the same goes for an elliptical trainer, or static bike, or rowing machine.  Your problem is your internal dialogue, it tells you things like, “slow down a bit,” or “take a little rest,” or “you’re trying your best,” or “you’ve nothing left to give.”  When your body tells you this, it’s time to stop, when your mind tells you this, it’s time to grind it out.  These two are not the same thing.  The only places that don’t allow you to stop are one on one combat sports, and certain mechanical machines.  This brings me back to the running machine, you don’t work it, that is your effort makes it move, like an elliptical trainer, or static bike, or rowing machine.  Instead the track of the running machine moves and then you have to keep with it.  The machine doesn’t stop, it keeps going, and there are plenty of videos of people being fired of the back of them to illustrate the point.  Tell the truth have you laughed? Because they are pretty funny, well, if you think things like that are funny.  It doesn’t really matter how you trick yourself, or force yourself, or manipulate yourself into doing something, all that matters is that you do it, and that you’re successful.  Before leaving this point, there are machines that have productively linked mechanisation and competition.  For example, there are static bikes that allow you to race other people, you can even see your progress via CGI (computer generated image).  From what I can see they appear to be pretty expensive, but look amazing!  This concept has existed for a long time, I remember twenty years ago using a rowing machine where you raced another boat.  The graphics were extraordinarily basic, but the mental stimulation was huge.  The moral of the story is you need to purposely push yourself, and if you don’t do it on purpose you won’t do it at all! 

#Diatia 3: Enjoy it - even just a little bit

Whatever cardio you do, it needs to be enjoyable.  There’s a huge difference between grinding out something that’s hard, and enduring something that you absolutely hate.  Consistency is vital, so you need to remove all unnecessary hindrances.  I’ll never stick at running, it hurts my joints and I just don’t enjoy it, I could tough it out, I know I could for a while, but why would I?  For a long time I’ve had a half notion of doing a 5k park run.  If I trained for it, and then did it, it would be a one-off and I’d never do it again.  Tick it off the bucket list and move on.  Consequently it would actually be counterproductive.  To be fit, or stay fit, or to get fit, cardio needs to be a regular and consistent part of your life, not just your training routine.  You could get away without doing resistance training, but not cardio.  That’s why it needs to be enjoyable, or maybe even fun.  I really enjoy a day’s hiking, but my life circumstances (having three youngish children) makes this difficult to do.  I enjoy walking, but again life circumstances make it hard to be away for long periods of time to put in the miles.  But the walking machine is perfect for me, you’re never far away, the steep incline makes the workout harder and therefore shorter, and you can listen to music without the fear of being knocked down.  You need to do something hard on a regular bases, something that gets your heart rate up.  So make sure you enjoy it, even just a little bit!

#Diatia 2: Cardio

 If you want to be fit, you need to do a number of basic things, they aren’t easy, but they are simple.  They are: cardio, resistance, mobility, and diet.  Cardio, or cardiovascular, is to do with the heart, in fact cardio comes from the Greek word meaning heart.  Cardiovascular training is getting your heart rate up to a sensible level, and then keeping it there for a period of time.  Being older, and potentially slightly more sensible, I think (for me) walking is much better than running.  Firstly, I find the impact from running very hard on my lower body joints, ankles, knees, and hips, remember I’m old.  But there is another reason, and an even more sensible one, I can walk much further, and much more often, than I can run, and that’s without hurting myself!  We happen to have a rather old running machine, so when I’m using it, I set it to the steepest incline, I start slowly to warm up, then build speed, and keep going for 30-40 minutes, which puts me in the cardio zone for most of the time.  Having the running machine at home makes this form of exercise much more accessible.  For all the people who waste a fortune on unused gym memberships, they’d be much better spending the money on a static bike, or running machine, or elliptical trainer. 

#Diatia 1: Know what you're doing.

Lately I was given a Fitbit watch.  It’s a lot more than a pedometer, that’s a thing for counting your steps.  The data’s fascinating, especially if you’re a bit sad and interested in stats.  The magic number is 10k steps, which is easy to reach if you’re being reasonably active.  I’ve only failed once, that day I shared in the driving of nearly 500 miles, that’s my excuse and I’m sticking to it.  Ten thousand steps means you’re being generally active, but you can get there without pushing yourself.  The other thing the watch constantly monitors is your heart rate.  It gives you zone minutes, that’s when you’ve raised your heart rate into certain zones of BPM, beats per minute, (Fat Burn 105-126, Cardio 127-155, Peak 156+).  To get here you are really pushing yourself, for a point of contrast, my average BPM at rest is 59.  I’m pretty regular with my steps, they’re usually around 11-12k, but the zone minutes are nowhere near as consistent.  You could be in the zone the whole time for a brisk 3000 step walk, on a steep incline, but walking 10k steps on the flat haven’t given you a single minute.  It’s also interesting what actually raises your heart rate, lifting weights does a bit, but not much.  Weights are important for strengthening muscle and bone, but they aren’t cardio.  The watch has taught me that it’s important to know what you’re doing, not what you think you’re doing.  

#LogBook 7: No hiatus, no letting this fade

 This is the most important blog I’ve written so far.  For substance? No.  For pithy wit? No.  For foresight? No.  It is the most important blog because I’ve written and posted something.  Do you remember the ‘shiny new’ thing?  You know, when the shiny and new passes away, that thing?  Well its happened.  Gone.  No more.  I have been beavering away, honestly.  One post isn’t finished, it needs a bit more work, another is finished, drafted four times, yes four times, but might be for somewhere else, so no post here.  Anyhow, my target today is 100 words, aiming high, just get something done, no hiatus, no letting this fade away! There, we’ve done it, a post, a blow against apathy, and way beyond the 100 words!

#LogBook 6: Chaos wrought - Chaos Got

 Tuesday 26 January 2021

I have written some poems; I cannot think of myself as a poet; therefore I am not a poet.  Is this the opposite of self-actualisation, or is it just the negative form.  That’s not a great way to start a written piece of work, but it is accurate, but what is better the well crafted or the accurate . . . I don’t know, let’s move on!  Do I have a mental block?  I cannot, or is it that I will not, or should not, think of myself in this way.  Did you spot that?  I didn’t use the word.  And if you’re really sharp you’ll notice I didn’t do it when I mentioned I didn’t do it.  Mr Pressfield is that resistance?  What is a poet?  Does qualification come through quality and quantity and longevity; that is competence.  I do not know what makes a poet.  But I am someone who has written poems, am writing poems, not at the minute because I’m writing this, and if I’m writing this, which is about what makes someone a poet, or not for that matter, I not doing what poets do, but that doesn’t mean I’m saying I’m a poet, okay.  I’ve read a couple of them on the radio, but I have published none of them, that would appear strange, but within the dyslexic paradigm, the cursed side of the blessing, it is the obvious, the natural flow.  It is the victory of the spoken word over the written word.  General literacy is recent, hand written copies last century, the printing press last year, the internet yesterday, the written word is modern, the spoken word ancient.  

 

So back to the poems, I couldn’t find them.  I know where they are online, but I had printed them out, and I wanted the A4 sheets; it wasn’t that I wanted them I needed them; I could easily print them out again, you know CTRL P, but the originals would have notes, highlights, little changes, it was these that I wanted, that I needed.  Eventually I got them, in heaps of paper, lying on the floor, amongst the rubbish awaiting disposal.  The poems, many of which are the embodiment of ideas, emotions, and feelings.  The ethereal, the idea, the thought found a voice and was transformed into the tangible.  They were warfare, a battle of words, some of the hardest, yet easiest writing I’ve ever done, the ease was time, they came quickly, the battle was the acceptance of the idea.  Had the time come for their birth, or had the bravery come to find them, either way they were the culmination, the articulation, the embodiment, the ultimate end of creativity; of life.  The ethereal had taken on a true form, it must be expressed, but why should it be?  Is the answer to the question a commentary upon the individual, or the means of expression, or the act of creation, or the outcome, or that which had existed within the intellect now existing on paper?  Must these ideas be expressed?  Must they be given a voice that others can hear?  Are they the cry of the soul?  Joy or sorrow, exuberance or melancholy?  Yet they lay on the floor, in a heap of rubbish, waiting to be thrown out. 

 

It is the chaos of thought and metaphor, it is the inadequacy of words, the battle to grasp them, structure them, release them, yet here for me, they lie on the ground (literally) and must be searched for.  Chaos must be constrained, not stopped, or limited, but made busy in a fruitful state of being.  Chaos formed the thoughts, yet chaos (almost) lost the expression.  We do everything we can to make our homes safe, and then what do we do?  We light fires in them.  Fires at the heart of the home!  Fire is heat, and survival, and life, and the future.  Fire is chaos, it is danger, it is death, it is destruction.  But which is it?  It is what it is, and we know what it is through experience and observation.  The chaos is contained within a metal box, which sits upon a slab of stone, and then watched over by a smoke alarm.  Chaos is not tamed, chaos is mitigated.  Chaos is not removed, chaos is utilised. 

 

What is fire?  It is the heat, and the fuel, and the oxygen.  What is fire?  It is three, it is all, and if any be removed it is none.  When the triangle is broken it is gone.  When the triangle is unformed it shall never come to pass.  The elements are not chaos, the unity is chaos.  Yet the chaos within the metal box is nothing to the chaos out with.  Food is not chaos.  Diet is chaos?  Uncontrolled chaos is destruction, it is danger, it is death; the chaos of control or the chaos of intemperance; they are unity within disparity.  Therefore mitigate the chaos.  I could search through the chaos of the rubbish to find what I sought, and what I sought was the precious chaos of the intellect.  What will we abandoned to the chaos?  What chaos will we abandoned ourselves to?  And when we have done so, what will we find?  The chaos of creation or the chaos of destruction. 

#Scribbler 2: Promoting Ulster Scots Some Ideas (part 2)

 

After posting the first part (of what has inadvertently become a short series of posts.) The following excellent question came up, “The question might be what do those "Residual" Ulster Scots speakers do next to develop their attachment or usage of Ulster Scots? And possibly how to link with the "Scholarly" side of Ulster Scots?”

 

Firstly, I’m writing another post to better explain “residual” and “scholarly” Ulster Scots.  I know what I mean but I want to be very clear so that I’m not misunderstood.  Then secondly, this is my first try at the “development” “attachment” part.  I make no claim that these ideas are fully developed, but they are a start and after all metal sharpens metal.  They might end up a good idea, they might not, but either way it is good to challenge your thinking, and I might stumble upon a better idea because I have walked this way.  So here we go, and in the order I jotted the ideas down.

 

Encouragement to keep going

Cricket, test cricket, a game that can last five days and still end in a draw, is the greatest game in the world!  It plays out like a great novel, brimming with drama, with twists and turns, and the reality that playing for a draw on the afternoon of the fifth day can be tantamount to the struggles of life.  Anyhow, consistently the greatest bowler I have ever seen was Glenn McGrath, and what was his advice, what was his secret, what was the key to unlock the great mystery?  Line and length, line and length, six balls an over, line and length, every over in every spell, line and length.  McGrath had natural ability, but lots of people have natural ability, McGrath trained hard, but professional athletes all train hard, or you won’t last; McGrath was part of a great team, but lots of people are part of great teams.  So there you have it, the secret, bowl the right ball in the right place over after over.  Eventually the break would come; the batsman gets worn down and makes a mistake; the ball gets some unexpected movement on the seam or through the air.  We will leave the cricket but not the lesson, greatness is found in consistency, the high standard of doing the right thing in the right way over and over again.  So whatever your hand finds to do, do it with all your might, over and over again, year in year out. 

 

Invest in the right things – whatever they are!

Time is more precious than money, now think about how you look after your money!  This may seem off topic but it isn’t, consumerism is a trick, and the worst part is fashion, you buy an expensive magazine, that tells you what expensive cloths you should wear, and what expensive shops to buy them from, (but we don’t need to worry about where they come from, that’s all far enough out of sight).  Ever see a picture of someone from the 70s or the 80s all dressed up, what do you think of the fashion?  Tell the truth?  Would you put it on for anything but a fancy dress party? But now look at a working man, boiler suit and safety boots, transient fashion not getting a look in.  Books, and music, and quality items are of their time, but their value and longevity are clear.  So do what will last even when it doesn’t seem that cool.

 

Turning self-regulation into self expression

I hate to say this, but the biggest problem Ulster Scots usage has ever faced is self-regulation.  “Don’t say that, if you said it at X, people will think you are stupid.”  And before we get historically uppity, self regulation happens all the time, here’s the equation “Action X will result in assumption Y by person Z.”  But the worst part is “Z”, the personal consequences, if I am assumed to be stupid, let’s stick to the stupid one, then I will not get opportunity “A, B or C” or will be overlooked for possibility “E, F or G.”  The problem with the self regulation of residual Ulster Scots is that it will never be used and then die out.  And an oral tradition that is not recorded, or written, may as well never have happened, and worse still for lack of evidence, it can be argued that it never happened. 

 

What works really well – but why?

Let us think of something successful that is of us but not from us.  Why are Burns nights so successful?  Firstly there is a date, you don’t have to think about it, Burns equals 25^th January, obviously the poetry isn’t limited to then, but in this busy world, Burns has a foot hold because there is a date.  Secondly there is a person, why put the person second, because there are many brilliant poets and writers the world knows nothing of because they don’t have a day.  But Burns, as in Robert Burns the person, is a great writer, and how shall we put it, a colourful character.  Thirdly, there is a liturgy and ritual, the address to the Haggis, the pipes, the toast, the tartan cloths, the commonality of food, yet within the liturgy and ritual there is room for self expression and addition.  The ritual and liturgy makes it clear it is a burns night, everyone does their part, then people are able to make it their own night.

 

What would you do with £0, £10, £100, £1k, £10k, £1m?

The last thing is a question that came to me writing my notes, and this is a completely none original question: “what would you do if you had: £0, £10, £100, £1k, £10k, £1m?” But it can only be one thing. 

 

£0, share the dictionary section of the USN website.

£10, give someone a copy of the Hamely Tongue.

£100, borrow / rent a room and organise a talk of the Ulster Scots language.  (This is my poorest idea and only used it because it was all I could think of!)

£1k, produce a set of word cards, English on one side Ulster Scots on the other.  There would be two sets one for children the other for adults.

£10k, a book of classic and original poetry and stories, gather from various writers of different styles.  The book would be beautifully presented, design and layout is vital.  The poems and stories would have the language explained very simply ie “sheugh = stream”.  But there would be boxes giving academic, historical, practical and simple ideas for usage.  But the book is only a means to an end, there would be a methodology for usage, online community, deeper online content, a strategy of who would be given it.  If say this was to be used during Ulster Scots Language week, a chapter could relate to a day, BUT the book wouldn’t state the day and date, this protects the longevity of the work.  If this was done enough in advance people could rift of the ideas: to write, or do paintings, or make handy-crafts.  It opens the possibility for interaction with schools, or community groups, or individuals, or who or whatever.  I can see this all in my minds-eye, it’s the idea that got me most excited, it’s enough money to do something really exciting but not too much to become an overwhelming, bureaucratical nightmare.

£1m, living history park, it has to be fun, but you learn something, for tourist, and schools, and days out, this would be a bureaucratical nightmare so only one sentence will suffice.

 

Conclusion

So there you go my ideas, for better or worse, they may be helpful or they might not be, but no harm done either way.

#Scribbler 1: Residual Ulster Scots (part 1)

Ulster / Scots Thoughts

Over the last while I’ve been suffering from a wild dose of imposter syndrome.  Two things have done it.  If you would have told me a year ago I’d be on the radio reading one of my poems, I wouldn’t have believed you, about either the poem or the wireless.  Truth be told, I wouldn’t have believed you even if you said the poem I’d be reading was someone else’s. 

 

Anyhow I was on the radio, twice in fact.  That’s the first bit, the second bit was the words I used, lots of Ulster Scots words.  They were the words and cadence of speech I fondly recalled.  It wasn’t a hobby, or an academic exercise, or a cultural statement, it was recollections.  The poems just happened, I had a few ideas that wanted to be expressed, then the ideas found words, and then the words found poetry.  You see, I don’t believe I’m some kind of Ulster Scots expert, and this is the second part of the imposter syndrome.  I just used the words I knew, the words of home, the words of long ago, the words that fitted the thoughts. 

 

Added to this there are a few other things that just happened.  This all coincided with Ulster Scots Language week.  As a personal opinion, I’d rather hear poetry read, so I read my poems and used the recording equipment I already happened to own.  This wasn’t a plan, or an experiment, it just happened, it was serendipity.  And for all the life of me, I’ve now this imposter syndrome.

 

So, for my own peace of mind I needed to think my way through this.  As I did, I realised there were two modes of Ulster Scots, now it’s important to hear what I’m saying, these two modes aren’t separate or different, they are sides to a coin, and these two are very important to one another, and the two are not contradictory.

 

Firstly there is residual Ulster Scots, and then secondly there is Scholarly Ulster Scots.  The definition of terms is always vital for clarity of thought, and visa versa, clear thought always gives clear terms.  So I had better define my terms.  As I understand my term, residual Ulster Scots are the words and cadence of speech that have naturally survived.  In some places its a lot, in others a little, but either way its always been there.  The Ulster Scots I know is residual, that which has survived.  This doesn’t make it better or worse, it just makes it what it is.

 

Now, scholarly Ulster Scots, as I define it, is that which focuses on the Ulster Scots linguistically: in its etymology, grammar, historical usage, traditional spellings, and the many variations thereof, and so on.  A scholarly understanding of Ulster Scots does not require the residual, after all if this was true no one could learn any other language.  But mere aften than not, the greater your interest in the Hamely Tongue, the more likely your interest will become more scholarly, at least to some level. 

 

The residual is authentic*, but often limited, the words were learnt orally from hearing them, but this was not teaching, it was not structured tuition, it was what you happened to hear, and also it was what the other person had happened to hear, then happened to remember and then happened to still use. 

 

However, it was in the 1990’s that things changed, a number of books were published throughout that decade, and these publications have had a huge impact.  I might add what I’m about to mention all pre-dates 1998, the year of the Belfast Agreement, or as its also called the Good Friday Agreement.  In 1995 James Fenton set out “a personal record of Ulster Scots in County Antrim”, his work was entitled “The Hamely Tongue”.  Hame is home, so hamely is the home place.  The word “language” has its root in the Latin word “lingua”, that is “tongue”.  Fenton simply set out the language or tongue of home.  Then in 1997 Philip Robinson published, “Ulster-Scots a grammar of the traditional written and spoken language.”  There was also the less well known “Barnish, Co Antrim Dialect Dictionary” (1993) by M & F Montgomery.  Yet the publication of lists of words and phrases was no new invention, as it had been happening in newspapers and pamphlets down through the years.  Here the work of Mark Thompson is invaluable as he finds and shares on his blog such things! The Hamely Tongue, the words, or language, or tongue of our home was hidden in plain sight, and the light hadn’t gone out. 

 

Anyhow, having said all that, I’m not sure if it was being told to stop speaking that way when I was young, or attaining the heady heights of an F in my English Language GCSE.  And just in case you’re interested English ‘Lit’ was dumped in third year at the first possible opportunity, but either way, this is still a wild strange thing!  But if the ideas find words, and the words find poems, I’m sure I’ll still find somewhere for them, and the Hamely Tongue will be a part of it.

* Having re-read this I wish to add, the word "authentic" is used as a description and not a contrast.  I believe "Scholarly Ulster Scots" is also authentic. 

#LogBook 5: Snow, Moss, Pine & Coffee

Friday 22 January 2021

The snow fills the air, it's heavy, large flakes, slowly meandering down from the heights.  “The cloud men have been busy”¹.  A few flakes come through the trees, but nothing much.  Where I’m sitting smells more of moss than pine, it’s the wet kind of moss, very earthy, the dry kinds smells different, less heavy.  The stone is a perfect height, sitting down but legs still straight.  If you sit with your legs bended for too long it’s always hard to get going again, even on a short walk, this is short, only three or four miles.  I left to late.  The day slipped away.  Doing . . . something . . . which I’m sure must have been very important . . .whatever it was.  The coffee is good, but its instant coffee, made before I left and carried in a flask, I normally don’t like instant coffee, this is the good stuff, but it’s not beans, it’s not the process, the smell, the routine, but its good, it’s good especially in the snow, nothing to eat, I brought nothing to eat, I’m not hungry, for that matter I’m not thirsty, but it is snowing, and it is the hills, and it is a forest, and it is being away on my own, and it is a cup of coffee.  The cup is bright orange, if you set it down you will see it, very hard to lose, I can see the steam, the smell mixes with the moss and the pine, it is an outdoors smell.  I feel part of the forest, observing the scene, the snow, the trees, the transition from green to white.  But I’m not part of the forest, I’m passing through, leaving no trace, you should never leave a trace, walking, camping, at the sea.  This is very rural, few people, but there is rubbish, two kinds: things people drop and dog dirt.  It’s strange but dog dirt is worse in the short term, but better in the long, here the elements and nature will take care of it, in the short it is dreadful, you can’t clean it off and you need to watch your step, but there’s none here, below the trees, sitting on a stone, drinking coffee from a bright orange cup, watching the snow, smelling the moss and pine and coffee.  But the rubbish, the bottles and wrappers, they, in the short term are better, have you ever given a second thought to stepping on a crisp packet?  But it will still be there in a week, or a month, or a year, or a century, or a millennia.  The coffees good, it keeps me here, an excuse, lurking about in the trees for this long looks suspicious, however sitting on a stone drinking coffee from a bright orange cup doesn’t.  It actually looks strangely normal.  I didn’t eat anything, and if I had, I wouldn’t have remembered, but I remember the snow, the peace, the smell, the time, that moment.

1. This is how one of my children described the snow, it’s a reference to “James and the Giant Peach” and I can't steal such a good observation. 

#4 LogBook: the unseen perils of home schooling!

Friday 22 January 2021

We aren’t used to cold weather, but for that matter we aren’t used to warm weather either, however the latter doesn’t matter for this story.  What I mean by cold weather is snow and frost.  When I was young frost was frost, it was just there.  But with age you realise the idiosyncrasies of frost.  The frost can fall in the early evening, you expect the next morning to be terrible, but it lifts during the night, and you awake to nothing but great relief.  Or it freezes all night, then the next morning you get exactly what you were expecting, but, and this is important, you can see it, the whiteness and the sparkle.  The worst frost is one that comes quick and late.  You can’t see it, the ground is a sheet of ice, a white sparkly road says watch yourself, so you do, a normal looking road covered in ice gives no warning. 

On Friday morning there was a late frost, it was a bad one, I went to get the kids work from school, and the car park was a sheet of ice.  The first I knew about it was when I pulled in to park, I put my foot on the brake, as you do, but the nose of the car slid on, it only slid a few inches, I was going slow, nothing dangerous, a wee warning.  So I crossed the road and walked on the grass.  The tarmac in the school is old and rough, flat but not smooth, perfect for walking on, dreadful for tyres, but the kids don’t drive cars in the school grounds, so it’s perfect.  I must explain to you dear reader about the car park, the orientation is important for the story.  Looking up from the bottom, where the school is, the road is in the shape of a lowercase ‘b’, from the top looking down, it is in the shape of a lowercase ‘q’, there are parking spaces in the centre and along the curved bit, and there are houses on the straight line.  Looking from the bottom, where the curve joins the line, there is a pretty steep ascent all the way to the top.

A car was stuck right at the bottom, the odd rev, wheels spinning, getting nowhere, just glad it isn’t me.  I crossed the road to try and help but could hardly get across.  Someone literally had to give me a hand so I would not fall going the last bit.  Once they headed on I needed to get back across the road, I had to forget about helping anyone else, I didn’t want to fall on my backside, which was a genuine possibility.  A bookie would have given better odds for me falling that staying on my feet.  It was so bad I thought of sitting down and trying to slide across the road using my hands, but I didn’t, firstly because of pride, and secondly because I would slowly, and in the sight of many people, with one wrong move slide to the bottom of the car park.  Now I’d be way further from my car and still no help to the other person.  Someone would have to rescue both of us. 

Then I saw it, bright yellow and large, a grit box, it was below me, across the road and down the steep hill.  I needed to go back onto the foot path and then down, down is not good, you’re travelling with gravity.  Helpfully beside the footpath was a fence, you could hold on if needs be, and if disaster struck and I fell I could grab the grit box as I slid by!  Okay, fortune favours the brave, forward march, forward shuffle more like.  I made it, with great difficulty, the last time I did this, not the sliding about on the ice, the picking up the school work, it only took about two minutes, three kids were sitting in the car, waiting for Daddy-O.  All I could think was please don’t get out, their listening to an audio book, their happy, they don’t want me to come back quickly, they’ll stay where they're at, please don’t get out. 

Into the grit box, big handful of grit, I cross the road by throwing grit on the ground and then stepping on the gritted bit.  Safely at the car, I opened the boot and got a big strong plastic bag out, trunk if your American, I don’t know why I added that, and walked the narrow gritted way to the grit box and filled the bag.  Then I started gritting the road down the hill towards the stuck car, then I made my way up the hill, all the time walking where I’d gritted.  At the top of the hill was another grit box, so I filled the bag and went to help other cars.  Now it’s really important to point out that other people were doing this too, I just happened to have a bag, but I was being out done by someone with a bucket, which was good because we are all doing the same thing.  With the full bag I headed down the curve of the ‘b’ or ‘q’, whatever one you want, ‘q’ sounds better all James Bond and that.  Back to the car, up the hill, low gear, keep traction, don’t stop.

So I gritted most of the car park, why did I do it, why tell the story? Well it was to help other people, but I did more than I’d intended, or I needed to do to help myself.  The real reason I did, and this isn’t very magnanimous, is because I did it.  I did it because I started doing, then the natural and obvious action was to keep doing it, the unnatural action was to stop doing it.  When there’s something you need to do, doing something to do it is the best thing to do to get it done.

#3 LogBook: Do the boring stuff!

Friday 22 January 2021

Today was fine, three meals, a bit hungry.  I wonder will that hunger stop, or does it stop when you don’t think about it, like a nagging tooth, only sore when you notice the nag, not sore when you don’t?  Then you do nothing but think about it trying not to think about it, which is just scunnering¹!  I think I’m still excited, it’s all shiny and new.  No matter your age, you always get that feeling, yip that one, the shiny and new feeling when it’s still shiny and new.  But you can control yourself, well normally, you don’t show it, but still you’re excited, whatever makes you excited has made you excited, and you’re off after it!  Anyhow, I’m still close enough to the old, for the here and now not to be the present, it hasn’t become that yet, and once it does the shiny and new will have passed.  This is a big thing, honestly it is, perhaps the biggest thing.  

I hate structure, maybe structure isn’t the right word, so I hate whatever I think I mean by structure.  I can have a million ideas, exploding in the air like fireworks, scaring people, starting fires, a moments brilliance, the explosive energy people don’t want.  Creativity always finds its place, normally we think of art, but food is art, observed by eye and nose and palate.  I like cooking, I like to do something new, I like the tastes, and the smells, and the processes, and the preparation, and the research, and the perfecting, and most importantly the eating.  But this all has a limit.  It’s not that you can’t do this all the time, it’s that you mustn’t!  I need the mind numbingly dull during the day.  That’s where I’ve failed, doing the boring stuff, flashes of boredom punctuated by a bit of this, or a bit of that.  I’ve never really got anywhere (boo-hoo), this isn’t to illicit sympathy, unless you feel so inclined.  I need to be boring, to bridle the innovative, the imaginative, to stick with it, if you are hungry do ‘x’.  The creative gets the book written, the boringly monotonous gets it published.  

1. sickening / loathful

#2 LogBook: Sugar Crash

Thursday 21 January 2021

Boys oh, I was hungry all day, I ate big meals, three of them, nothing in between, but still there was the long slow linger of hunger.  When you’re hungry you know you’re hungry, but this was the Western kind of hunger, not being a pitiful glutton for two days straight.  As opposed to the kind of hunger that leads to starvation, that leads to death.  I didn’t have a sugar crash. Blessed be the small mercies. They are awful, have you ever had one?  If you haven’t you should try it out sometime, you know, just to see what it’s like!  The process is pretty simple, and as an added bonus pretty cheap, All you need to do is stuff lots of processed sugar down the auld cake hole: sugary drinks, sweets, processed food, full of sugar and salt, added bonus for the auld arteries, and cakes, it is a cake hole after all! Keep it up for a few weeks or months then just stop, that’s it, lurch back and enjoy.  On second thoughts it’s probably dangerous, so dear reader please refrain. 

The sugar crash, when it comes, and given our collective diet, when it comes, you will think something is wrong with you, like really wrong with you.  It is that odd feeling in your face, life draining downwards, a slight lightness of head, a little bit tingly, especially the face and hands, the bits more connected to the world, you try to shake them out, but it just makes the oddness odder.  I haven’t ate chocolate or lemonade (note the generic Ulster terminology) in years, while sweets or puddings are a rarity. But that was not always so, and the present visage would make thee doubt twas in the past.  I used to drink coke, lots of the stuff, a big bottle was really cheap, sometimes two two litre bottles bound together in a plastic blanket was the price of one! And jellies, you know jellied sweets, all sugar and chemicals and horses hooves, and for an added extra coated in sugar, delicious! I remember years ago, I was in my early twenties, I mustn’t have been eating properly, different days, another story, and was living on sugar. 

Dear reader, many human beings do not seem to understand this, but the human body demands energy to function, our consumption of food gives energy, this isn’t to insult your intelligence, unless it needs to be insulted, but the easiest way to get huge amounts of energy really quickly is sugar. 

So back to the glorious sugar crash, one day I stopped, more likely I didn’t keep it up.  I had no idea how much sugar I was eating, and this was because I never thought about eating sugar, how about you dear reader? Nor had I any idea of the joyous work processed sugar does within the environs of the human body.  I didn’t know because I didn’t care, or, I didn’t care because I didn’t know? Either way the same result. Nor had I any idea I was about to go cold turkey! Anyhow, sometimes you know what to expect from the after effects of excess, but no minerals (note the second piece of generic Ulster terminology for the same thing) and confectioneries, for a day or two shouldn’t cause the micro DTs. 

I felt distant, detached from everything around me, I felt unwell, I felt at least diabetic.  I felt as though I should phone the surgery, “What’s the problem sir?” “Oh it’s just that I got up this morning, and I’m probably going to tootle of the mortal coil by the forenoon.”  Instead the auld subconscious kicked in, and I craved, bought and consumed two half litre bottles of Lucozade, if I remember correctly.  The shakes went, the haze cleared, the hands stilled, hair of the dog, existence lumbered back to equilibrium.  So I’ve been hungry all day, but at least there’s no sugar crash, and fear of type 2 diabetes.  Really I should be thankful for small mercies.  It’s just that the auld tum tum is empty, and that’s because I’m not responding to the slightest craving.  I may be assing about a bit, but dear reader, high quantities of processed sugar ain’t good.  

 

#1 LogBook: Embrace the Suck

 

Wednesday 20 January 2021

Embrace it, there ain't nothin’ else to do. This is going to be some craic, one way or another.  Deep breaths “...in...oot...in...oot...” Grand, the mind is settled, embrace the suck, embrace the many things, okay, embrace the two things.  Let's pretend there are just two things, keep the reader with us, don’t burn them out with all the nonsense, well not at the start anyway.

I’ve always written from under a shadow, a mental shadow, not that kind, not the dark dog kind.  No the shadow, my shadow is neurological, one that pulses through the brain's circuitry, I have dyslexia.  Or might I say, that the effects of the said brain circuitry have assumed the title dyslexia. It is a harsh word, it really is, perhaps too many strong consonants? The shadow is the clanger, and I’ve always got the capacity for a clanger.  It is the kind of thing, if printed, or if written down, the thing that is put into the public’s gaze, and then actually noticed, it is the thing you’ll never live down.  It looks okay when I write it, it sounds okay when I read it, the good old grey matter rehashes the garbled gibberish into the exquisite, the problem is that the good old grey matter keeps the good stuff to itself, it doesn’t share it round the other folk, the reader, you good people just get the auld gibberish. I digress, there are two levels, the incomprehensible and the nearly.  The incomprehensible isn’t so bad, it just gets discounted out of hand, the nearly is the clanger, the nearly is the not at all, the nearly is you wish you hadn’t bothered.

The second bit is the auld tum-tum, the lock down hasn’t been kind. It is a paradox, in December I did 3.5k press ups, not at once just in case you thought that, you probably didn’t, it was a wee challenge spread over the month, you know the auld lockdown, I’m not sure if you’ve noticed it or not. I’m lifting more weights, more often, and more heavy than I’ve done in years.  But the auld tum-tum doesn’t lie, all 103cm of it, all 13st 13ld, this might be wishful thinking, but it should be lingering around 12 ½, okay below 12 ½, near 12-3 to be honest. The auld lock down hasn’t been kind, did I mention that? A bit to much time to cook to much, to eat to much, a bit to much time because your stuck inside, with the fields that you walked in the last lock down, feeling under foot like there have been 40 days and 40 nights of rain. So I need to go radical. Vegan...no. Veggie...no. Something...yes. 

This blog, so far as it is meant to be dear reader, is my blog about losing weight. That might be tempting fait, you know, three months done the line and success is not slipping into the 15s on the auld scales, even if you do you could just dial it back a couple of pounds. Anyhow I’ve started, and I just wanted to get my excuses in first, just in case the odd clanger slips through the text to speech.

****

Today went well, this is the evening, but tea was a sad experience.  I cooked butcher burgers for the others, and I cooked for myself meat free chile con carne with boiled rice. It was grand, if everyone ate it I wouldn’t have noticed. The battle is the grey stuff, the evidence is in the auld tum-tum. I’m a bit hungry, normally I’d eat a little something before bed, but I haven’t.

* "embrace the suck" isn't my saying, I looked it up on the net to try and find an original source but couldn't.