Thursday 21 January 2021
Boys oh, I was hungry all day, I ate big meals, three of them, nothing in between, but still there was the long slow linger of hunger. When you’re hungry you know you’re hungry, but this was the Western kind of hunger, not being a pitiful glutton for two days straight. As opposed to the kind of hunger that leads to starvation, that leads to death. I didn’t have a sugar crash. Blessed be the small mercies. They are awful, have you ever had one? If you haven’t you should try it out sometime, you know, just to see what it’s like! The process is pretty simple, and as an added bonus pretty cheap, All you need to do is stuff lots of processed sugar down the auld cake hole: sugary drinks, sweets, processed food, full of sugar and salt, added bonus for the auld arteries, and cakes, it is a cake hole after all! Keep it up for a few weeks or months then just stop, that’s it, lurch back and enjoy. On second thoughts it’s probably dangerous, so dear reader please refrain.
The sugar crash, when it comes, and given our collective diet, when it comes, you will think something is wrong with you, like really wrong with you. It is that odd feeling in your face, life draining downwards, a slight lightness of head, a little bit tingly, especially the face and hands, the bits more connected to the world, you try to shake them out, but it just makes the oddness odder. I haven’t ate chocolate or lemonade (note the generic Ulster terminology) in years, while sweets or puddings are a rarity. But that was not always so, and the present visage would make thee doubt twas in the past. I used to drink coke, lots of the stuff, a big bottle was really cheap, sometimes two two litre bottles bound together in a plastic blanket was the price of one! And jellies, you know jellied sweets, all sugar and chemicals and horses hooves, and for an added extra coated in sugar, delicious! I remember years ago, I was in my early twenties, I mustn’t have been eating properly, different days, another story, and was living on sugar.
Dear reader, many human beings do not seem to understand this, but the human body demands energy to function, our consumption of food gives energy, this isn’t to insult your intelligence, unless it needs to be insulted, but the easiest way to get huge amounts of energy really quickly is sugar.
So back to the glorious sugar crash, one day I stopped, more likely I didn’t keep it up. I had no idea how much sugar I was eating, and this was because I never thought about eating sugar, how about you dear reader? Nor had I any idea of the joyous work processed sugar does within the environs of the human body. I didn’t know because I didn’t care, or, I didn’t care because I didn’t know? Either way the same result. Nor had I any idea I was about to go cold turkey! Anyhow, sometimes you know what to expect from the after effects of excess, but no minerals (note the second piece of generic Ulster terminology for the same thing) and confectioneries, for a day or two shouldn’t cause the micro DTs.
I felt
distant, detached from everything around me, I felt unwell, I felt at least
diabetic. I felt as though I should phone
the surgery, “What’s the problem sir?” “Oh it’s just that I got up this morning,
and I’m probably going to tootle of the mortal coil by the forenoon.” Instead the auld subconscious kicked in, and I
craved, bought and consumed two half litre bottles of Lucozade, if I remember
correctly. The shakes went, the haze
cleared, the hands stilled, hair of the dog, existence lumbered back to
equilibrium. So I’ve been hungry all day,
but at least there’s no sugar crash, and fear of type 2 diabetes. Really I should be thankful for small mercies.
It’s just that the auld tum tum is empty,
and that’s because I’m not responding to the slightest craving. I may be assing about a bit, but dear reader,
high quantities of processed sugar ain’t good.
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